September 20, 2009 at 10:03 pm (Musings on life)

First ‘actual’ blog I suppose. May as well comment on the year so far.

It’s been a weird one, nothing major has happened really, or at least nothing major that I can sort of add to a list of achievements or events that’s helped me grow as a person compared to last year. There’s been far too much weekend-warrior esque patterns of work X5 and gearing up for going out to shit rock clubs for the laughs at the weekend, and I’ve realised what a hollow thing it is after a while. I’m starting to tire of London a bit, and people say if you’re bored of London you’re bored of life, so alarm bells are ringing really, but at the same time I often go in cycles like this so I’m sure at some point soon I’ll remember I love London again. I certainly hope so anyway.

Then again, it’s really made me appreciate the simple life a bit. I went to some tiny village in France with my parents recently and had a wonderful time. No internet, no TV – just a lovely cottage in the countryside, enjoying the sunshine and nice food and just cutting myself from civilization. It was really refreshing. I definitely haven’t gone back to Suffolk enough this year. Sure, I don’t think I could be there permanently, and will always remember how desperate I was to escape when I was younger, but as I get older I really do appreciate the countryside a bit more, and the quiet. People funnily enough seem a bit more open too. There’s a shallowness about London I often find quite offputting.

Where I’m living might be a part of it. The actual house is a really good deal – huge room, amazing living room with balcony, good location, great value for money…but somehow it doesn’t feel like a ‘home’ for me and it hasn’t done for a while. My previous flat was tiny, above a take away on a busy road, no living room, electricity and water done on a top up, and the rent was actually more expensive…on paper you’d think I’d be better off but the reality is I really miss it but I really can’t figure out why. It was cosy, and just felt much more like a home.

I definitely miss living with actual friends over randomers. It’s easier to get wound up by your friends in a houseshare but I think it’s much easier to feel at home too. Sadly it’s so, so difficult to organise London houseshares with mates as everyone’s contracts run totally different time scales. I dunno what to do really. It’s not a bad living situation as such…it’s just not great either. Being a short distance from Chaddock, Folu and Mike is awesome though..but yeah, it doesn’t feel ‘right’ at the moment

The band sort of started building up steam at the beginning of the year, and we had some fucking brilliant times playing some really fun shows (especially my hometown show, which was incredible), but perhaps it got too serious too soon as a result. We ended up taking some time out to detox from it so to speak, and I was pretty worried it was gonna end altogether, but I think it was a good thing to do in the end as seemingly we all realised how much we miss it. We’re gonna get together and discuss things so I’m hoping perhaps we’ll pick up where we left off but iron out some of the things that were perhaps problematic. Hopefully given a few more entries it’ll be proper on the go again. There was something about us I was quite proud of and we managed to build up a bit of a following quite quickly so we must have been doing something right. Here’s hoping..

But yeah, I just feel I need to do something. The blog sounds like I’m feeling down, when I’m really not, I’m just stuck in what feels like a purgatory feeling of nothingness. Fest in November will be truly special, but at the same time I feel I really need to do something outside of the box – go travelling on my own somewhere to a place I’ve never been before like Australia or Iceland or somewhere I can really challenge myself and just get some sort of new lease of life. It’s probably just how I’m feeling this weekend. I dunno. This has been a very unstructured and odd first main blog. It’ll be interesting to see how I react when reading it down the line…



  1. Pete said,

    Go to Thailand. Just do it, it’s amazing.

    Also, start a band. Also, think of everything you ever wanted to learn to cook and learn to cook it.

    Did you ever put of any more gigs at The Gaff? That seems like a worthy distraction.

  2. millsymillsy said,

    Ah Pete! Added you on my bloglink!

    I think Keeping Scores are getting back together, so that’ll be good. But yeah, think Thailand will be something I’ll do. I sort of wanted to avoid it before because of the old cliched middle class gap year stigma attached, but now in my mid 20s I think I’ll appreciate it all a bit more.

  3. Pete said,

    Honestly, you’ll forget the cliches when you’re there.

    I really thought I’d be not too bothered about it, but you’re aware of how crazy i am about the place. Next time we booze, I’ll give you the lowdown.

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